He's got balls...

OH brother things are starting to heat up again in Bawstone!  And the main man behind all of this hibbity-jibbity is one Josh Beckett… Texas Douchebag!  To give you a little history…TD (Texas Douchebag) recently skipped a start because his back was a little sore, ok, no biggie, but then the Red Sux were involved in a 17 inning game and he wouldn’t pitch during that game even though they basically exhausted every pitcher they have. But then a few days later he’s out at the golf course playing with his balls!  So what happens last night? He gets shelled by the Cleveland Indians, doesn’t make it past the 3^rd inning!  And finally, finally those suburban sexuals in the stands booed one of their own players. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, they were actually booing a Red Sux player, in our over 5 years writing this little blog of ours, we have never heard a Red Sux player get booed at home, it’s remarkable!  The press conference after the game was priceless, Beckett sitting there with his usual douchebag face telling reporters… My off day is my off day. It got so bad that he said he pitched like “shit” and NESN didn’t even bleep him. I think they were hoping the FCC would catch that and maybe fine Beckett instead of them!  My off day is my off day, that’s all he kept saying while he talked about how much he sucked, it was great. 

What a glorious time to be a Red Sux hater, that team has no leadership, we called it with Bobby V., he can’t right that ship, they have no leadership in the clubhouse, just awesome. All the more reason why the Yankees are the greatest franchise in organized sports, they are leaders, they play to win for the “team” and the fans. You can’t say that as Red Sux player, they don’t play for the fans, they don’t play for the team, they play for themselves and it’s all coming to a tilt any day now with that organization!

What a dump...

Our new F-terns have arrived in the office and let me tell you there’s nothing like having people work for you and not paying them!  One of them happened to be reading TIME magazine’s website (they were quickly dismissed) and came across this article about Top 10 Worst Stadiums in the US.  And wouldn’t you know, #8 Fenway Park, Boston.  Now look, we’ve been telling you for years what a piece of dump that place is. Where do you begin? The seats… perfect if you’re 5 feet tall and weigh about 97lbs. anything over that size in either height or weight and you have the most uncomfortable sitting experience in your life.  Now if some how you managed to squeeze into your seat there's probably a MASSHOLE sitting next to you, one that is most likely drunk already.  And since the seats are so small they are spilling their beer on you with every cheer or comment they make during the game.  And since they are a MASSHOLE they make a lot of comments, mostly about how bad the umpires are, or how terrible their children are, or how you can’t trust the blacks or Hispanics, or how wonderful the Catholic Church is, you know, the usual conversation piece from a MASSHOLE.  So now you’re sitting, you’re legs are cramping up, you’re getting soaked because Sully from Southie can’t keep his yap shut, and now you have to watch the Red Sux actually play a game!! OH THE HORROR! Listen, take our advice and stay away from this heap of outdated, uninspiring and cheesy mess, if you’re not an alcoholic, not a child abuser, not a racist, and not catholic, you’ll probably get beat up.

 

F-Youkilis

F-Pedroia

F-Big Retardi

F-Ted Williams’ decapitated head

F-Southie

F-Hingham

F-Cody Ross

F-Yaz

F-Fred Lynn

F-Cuntalton Fisk

Who's running this joint?

We misspoke the other day when we said being a Yankees fan in Boston has sort of lost its luster… NO FUCKING WAY! It is a glorious time for being a Yankees fan in Boston, the Red Sux are making fools of themselves each day.  I don’t know if it was that cunt Varitek that held the team together or just Tito’s calming influence, but something needs to be done in the Sux clubhouse… WAIT WHAT? Players are back-talking the manager left and right, Pedroia, Youkilis, Baird… BAIRD? That guy has been in the majors like 2 years and even he’s giving sass to the manager. The Sux clubhouse is like a Masshole 5^th grade field trip, everyone’s drunk and giving the teacher a hard time!  What’s great to see is how none of the players are wrong in anything they do, these fucking Massholes treat them like three guys from Southie beating up a black guy, in other words, Gods! Each day you see Bobby V’s hair getting whiter and line for media in the clubhouse getting larger, we’re on a 3 month wait list for a pass!

For years we’ve been saying these Masshole fans are without a doubt the worst fans in the history of organized sports, their team loses a few in the beginning of the season and they are out for blood. To the untrained eye, or the person that lives outside of New England, they see this as passion, but to the ones living here, we see it differently. We see it as those Suburban Sexuals that frequent the games don’t have anything to talk about when a black person enters their circles. Or those drunks in Southie can’t drink enough to beat their kids or girlfriends. This angers a Masshole, the one thing you never want to do to a Masshole is take away his right to beat a child or put them in a room with a black or Hispanic person. 

F-The Sux

Me and Bobby McV...

Hello everyone we’re back! Yes that’s right folks the office of Ftheredsox are open for business. Yes we took a little hiatus, sabbatical, extended rest, call it what you may, but now that’s all behind us and we’re ready to get back into the swing of things. We’ve dusted off the cobwebs, threw the drunken massholes off the stoop and have reopened the doors to our Kenmore Square offices. We’re not going to bore you and recap the past seasons while we were away or go over what went wrong, and who did this and who did that, we’re itching to get back to telling you what it’s like to be a Yankees fan living in Boston! In all honestly, being a Yankee fan living in Boston has sort of lost it’s luster over the past year or so, I mean, could we really have said anything to make last year’s loss on the last day of the season by the Red Sux just as awesome as it really was? The answer is no, that day wrote itself, and we just sat back and basked in the sweet stench of defeat handed to the Red Sux. We were really close to selling our rights to Ftherdsox and just call it a day, walk off into the hazy dull hue of a East Boston sunset, but then the Sux signed Bobby V. I know what you’re saying, you’re skipping over Chicken-gate and such, but to be honest that story’s been as beat down as much as a Southie girl on a first date. No, Bobby Valentine coming to Boston just lit a spark in our eyes; I mean what were the Sux thinking? We’re not sure where he’s from, as you know we don’t really do any fact checking on this site, plus our interns don’t start for another week, but could Bobby V. be any more of a Masshole? Bobby Valentine is what we would call a wannabe Masshole. He’s from Connecticut we believe, so geographically he’s almost there but not really. But the way he acts, talks, gestures, you name it, you’d think he was straight out of the slag heap on the docks of Charlestown. Wait a minute…. Is that why he was hired? OH those dirty rats in the front office, now we see what they are doing. They’re trying to convert him to full on Massholeness! They couldn’t do it with Tito, no luck with the Super Jew Theo; Papeldouche was a lost cause because of his mental retardation, so now they’re going to work on Bobby. It all makes sense, Wakefield is gone, he was your prototypical 45 year Masshole that drinks beer and doesn’t give a shit. Varitek is gone, he was your next door neighbor from Medford that wore a crew-cut until he was 55 and never lent you his lawnmower. Now they are really only left with Pedroia that little rat that makes up exactly what every young 12 year drunk kid from Southie wants to be. And Lester who without a doubt should inherit Varitek’s old uniform just so he can wear that scarlet letter on his chest of “C” because he is the biggest cunt on the field. They tried with Beckett but he’s too much of a southern hick to know the difference. Gonzales, well no, they still don’t’ trust him in the locker room with their wallets. And every other black player on the team, because, well you know that reason! So it’s up to Bobby Valentine to restore the good Masshole name back to the Red Sux, can he do it? We have all the confidence in the world that he will be able to fulfill his duties to the T, unless they fire him after the All Star break! In closing, it’s good to be back, we want to thank you for waiting for us, we’ll be updating more frequently now just as soon our interns or F-terns as we call them get back to work! F-The Sux F-Southie F-Brockton F-Dorchester F-Johny Pesky F-Fenway F-Attleboro F-Varitek F-Fred Lynn

Pawtucket Red Sux stop Yankees from winning Division

Well, the season's over... OH NO IT ISN'T!! Except if you're a Red Sux fan! The Red Sux did get the last word in on the regular season though by beating us and preventing us from winning the Division. The way the Yanks are playing, this could be a short post season, though I doubt it, but it doesn't matter, this city can finally shut up for a few months while they watch their Patriots and Celtics. Of course as I type the Rays just tied up the game so maybe a Yankees win wouldn't have mattered. Again, it doesn't matter, the Sux fans gave their goodbyes to that cunt Varitek who's not coming back, and possibly Big Retardi as well. There is some solace to this because that moron Papeldouche did give up a run in the 9th!
The Offices of Ftheredsox will remain open during the winter don't you worry about that, there will be playoff coverage and parade coverage as well!
No, after today, Fenway will be quiet, Yawkey way will be quiet and MASSHOLES all over Red Sux County can only think about next year!!!!!!

HOT OFF THE PRESS!

I figured why not spread a little love around the city and the world!
Just got these bumper stickers today, if you like let me know and I can send you one.

Required reading for Sports Writers... The Official Rules of Baseball and The Bible!

I wasn't going to comment on this whole Jeter thing because nobody in Boston was saying boo. But then Bob Ryan threw together an article taken from every other sports writer in the world and bashed Jeter. Mantle was a drunk and a womanizer, Ruth was drunk and a womanizer, Boggs cheated on his wife, Cobb was rabid racist, Marchial charged the mound with a bat, and Jeter, faked getting hit by a pitch!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
Oh Derek Jeter, holy than thou, since when? Sure he's the face of the franchise, first ballot hall of famer, gamer, but when have we hoisted him up beyond error?
If you've ever played the game of baseball you take whatever you can get from the umpire, that's a fact, that's what you do in baseball. Especially when the game is on the line, come on, that's baseball 101.
This is the last thing I'll say about this... People found an opening in Jeter, he's having a somewhat off year, now they just bash, bash, bash.
I was forced to write this, I didn't want to say shit about this because every article you read about this is a sign of a lazy writer. Your story is written for you, throw in a moral angle and you're done. What's with this moral angle by the way? Since when are all the sports writers in the world suddenly following Glenn Beck?
This is pathetic, and I'm sorry I wasted your time.